Vaudeville Vixens 211, Unholy Rollers 122 (stats)

Ten minutes into the first period, it looked as though the Unholy Rollers could be the team to do just that. Jamming from Gertrude Awakening and Fang Dangled and smothering defense from rookie Goldman Smacks, Scarlett O’Snareya, and Hello, Sailor gave the Unholies an early lead, 44-23. The Vixens, with the exception of one power jam, just could not break through the near-impenetrable wall that the Unholies put up. 

Vixens bench coach Nefairyous regrouped her team during a timeout, and it seemed to be effective, as the Vixens started chipping away at the deficit. Over the next 12 minutes, they outscored the Unholy Rollers 32-3, getting back on top 65-47, thanks to hard hits from Feminine Hijinx, Neon Arzach, and Lemon Dropkick. Jostlin’ Hell found ways to sneak through the pack on her way to a game-high 76 points to pad the Vixens’ lead. The Unholies’ defense was still relatively effective, keeping the opposing offense from gaining a decisive advantage. The half ended with the Unholies trailing by a manageable 23 points, 77-54.

The Vixens began to add to their lead at the start of the second half. Five minutes into the period, Blanche Devereauxxx broke through for 14 points on a power jam to put her team ahead 103-57. Moments later, Dalek Doll and Jostlin’ Hell each bolted through for 16 and 14 points respectively to widen the gap further. Their defense was effective as well, giving up only 14 points during that 15 minute stretch. 

Gertrude Awakening was finally able to get some offense going for the Unholies, getting nineteen total points of her team high 45 during her next two turns donning the star. However, the defense was visibly tired from their ferocious play early in the contest, giving up big jams in the closing minutes of the game. This enabled the Vixens to cruise to a 211-122 victory, clinching the #1 seed going into next month’s league semifinals.

Quad Squad 277, Reservoir Dolls 141 (stats)
The second bout of the night also started as a defensive battle, but five minutes in, Hammer Abby took off on an eight point power jam, putting the Quad Squad up 21-14. They continued to build on their lead, getting consistent lead jams and relying on stiff defensive blocking from Thrill Show, Sooper Yooper, and Booty Callins. Halfway through the period, they found themselves with a 52 point lead, 81-29. 

The Reservoir Dolls bolstered their defense, holding the opposition scoreless for four straight jams with notable efforts from blockers Slyanide, Mass Myrtle, and Siouxpernova. Offensively, however, they could only muster seven points themselves during that span. Soon, the Quad Squad was back on the offensive, getting a 15 and a 21 point jam from Hammer Abby, who led all scorers with 95 on the night. The half ended on a wild jam. With neither team getting lead jam, Mouse scored 20 for the Res Dolls, getting through the pack following huge holes made by rookie Auntie Matter, Block Ness Monster, and Full Frontal Jewdity. But Mack the Knife rolled for 25 points right under the noses of the defenders after receiving a star pass, nullifying Mouse’s effort. The two teams rolled off the floor for halftime with Quad Squad dominating 157-76.

The Reservoir Dolls’ offense started the second half with their work cut out for them, but still couldn’t light a spark. They continued to struggle to get lead jams and could not hold back the floodwaters that were the Quad Squad’s offensive blockers. The Res Dolls finally got over the century mark with 15 minutes left to go in the game, but were still down by over 100 points, 221-104. They finally got defensive stops on four straight jams, but again couldn’t make any headway offensively. Only Tenacious D was able to do any significant scoring, getting 18 of her team high 44 points on a single jam, but it was much too late to offset the damage that was already done. Hammer Abby closed the game on a power jam, clinching the game for her team 277-141. 

Season 13 semifinals roll into the Alliant Energy Center on Saturday, March 4 - and it's a triple header! The first game of the night starts early, with doors opening at 4 and the first whistle at 4:15 p.m. MRD's own all-star Dairyland Dolls will play the first sanctioned D1 WFTDA game of the year against the visiting Ann Arbor Derby Dimes' Brawlstars. That will be followed by the #1 Vaudeville Vixens vs. the #4 Reservoir Dolls, and be capped off by the #2 Quad Squad vs. the #3 Unholy Rollers. Don't miss out: Get your tickets now!
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- Peter Rabid